You were not born hating yourself! Yet, some of the greatest harm you’ll likely endure will come from your mind’s harsh, personal reprimands and unforgiving tone.
Self-hatred comes in many forms, but it has one common thread: the predominant fear that you are inadequate in some way.
This fear of inadequacy causes you to compare and compete, always striving for something different, but inevitably falling short, rarely feeling good in your own skin.
Why is this? It’s not because you are defective, you’re not. Instead, it has to do with where you are trying to find your worth.
You’ve tied your worth and well-being to something outside of yourself; a job, a relationship, an image, an outcome, etc.
Pursuing outside validation is like abusing a drug; it’s temporary and it keeps you sheltered in your fear. You enjoy the temporary high you get from positive (outside) feedback, but it inevitably lets you down and you feel worse.
A big aha moment comes when you realize that your merit isn’t tied to any particular outcome or expectation of who you should be. Your worth was with you when you were born and it has never left you – it is you who have left it.
The cure for self-hatred is self-love, but it won’t be found in a bubble bath or a sports car because it can’t be found outside of oneself. Self-love is a natural by-product that occurs when you comprehend your own value. Your worth cannot be given to you; not by your parents, not by your boss, not by your friends or your accomplishments, etc. You must look within and believe it for yourself.
No one can give you your worth, just like no one can give you the experience of God. You must find it and trust it for yourself.
Seek your spiritual self, aside from societal or religious expectations that skew your self-perception. Meditation/yoga, tai chi, nature, creativity, etc. all work to slow down the thinking mind and remind you of your divine essence. It is in the stillness that you will experience deep love and realize that you have something to offer the world, and it may be very different than what anyone else told you or led you to believe.
The events of your life don’t define you, but they can refine you. Any resulting pain or sadness is not meant to punish you, but instead can be used to teach you how to come to terms with your discomfort and how to transcend it, knowing that your life still matters.
Own your life – every single bit of it; the sad and the spectacular, otherwise, your happiness will be dependent on the whims of people, circumstances, and events! Don’t outsource your life and your happiness to anything or anyone else less qualified.
Be Amazed ~
Cyndee Rae Lutz